Getting to Know the One in Me that Reacts.

Getting to know the One in me that reacts.

One day I was walking along a crowded street in India. It was my first time visiting this country and I was shocked by much of what I was seeing. It all seemed so chaotic and the condition of some of the people was deeply disturbing to that part of me that wants everyone to be fine.

I was getting hooked by it all; my defenses were closing me down. When those particular defenses go down I get what I call tunnel heart. I am seeing it all and I am not allowing it to impact me, I am not allowing it to get in. It is a defense for a very sensitive, empathic heart. As I noticed my reaction to the experience of walking through this sea of intense humanity I wanted to learn how to walk with an open heart. How could I allow all this to touch me and still maintain, I wondered.

I choose a perspective that went like this: Imagine that every person here represents an aspect of who I am. Notice who and what is hard to look at. Notice what hurts. Notice who or what causes me to get angry or sad or happy. First – just notice.

I was opened from this and suddenly around myself I saw five thousand faces of my self. Every one became a part of me and I of them.

And I then allowed each person that I was noticing to represent a part of me. The beggar allowed me to face the beggar in me. The Sadhu became the Sadhu in me, the taxi driver the same and even the policeman, and on and on for each one that came to my attention.
As I experienced each one I also got to experience that part of me that reacted to the sight, sound, smell or touch of these individuals.

When we say, “I am uncomfortable/angry/happy here.” We are not really being accurate. It is more accurate to say that an aspect of you is uncomfortable/angry/happy here. Then it is possible to get the paradox of the moment - that one part of you may be angry, another part of you sad, and yet another part of you excited about any given situation.
The more we can learn about these aspects of us the more we can heal and integrate them into the wholeness of who we are.

The next step is to get curious with the one in you that is reacting. For example, if a beggar approached me and I felt uncomfortable I then got curious with the one in me that was uncomfortable.

I would ask to that part of me:
What is it about this beggar that makes you uncomfortable?

What is it that you are afraid of?

What is needed to stay open here?

Pay attention to any thoughts that occur during this process.

This is helpful in any day of our life. Perhaps someone at work pushes your button a lot. It is really not about him, it is YOUR button that is getting pushed, not his.

Instead of making others wrong for pushing your button try this:

Bless them first with loving-kindness. Open to that person, AND to the one in you that got triggered. And ask yourself:

- What is it that bothers me here?

- How am I creating this reaction?

- What does this part of me need in order for it to be healed?

Anytime people trigger us, it is never about them. It is about what is waiting to be revealed in us. So in my mind I say to those who trigger, “Thank you for triggering my anger/sadness/frustration and for showing me where my work is.”

At times like this, ask yourself – What is it time for me to heal/let go of/forgive?

It is great to be a human. We have so many opportunities to grow ourselves.

No one said it was going to be easy.

Patrick Ryan
Chief Waker-Upper